this is an egg on a hot frying pan

I'm still down here. My mind races all day, and I think of things to say, but then i run out of energy at the end of the day. I spend a lot of the day trying to calm my mind down, to stop making plans, thinking things out, etc. It's easy when you are painting a wall, more difficult when you are painting a ceiling (like, trying to invent glasses that have a mirror in front of them so that you can look strait ahead and see the ceiling - neck pain man, oh man, it's a pain). I'm getting better at this when in bed or floating in the sea, but it's hard to have no mind when there are ants biting you, or when you are stuck in some awful uncomfy position, or there is oil paint dripping in your eyes. Any of a number of frustrations.

I am really happy that Henry's website is doing so well. I like his site better than this one right now - it is so stimulating. Well, of course, there are so many amazing people posting on it. I think that the conversations will become even more productive. Y'all shoulf visit there. I have been writing way way too much there. I can't seem to calm myself down, and I am certainly not thinking clearly. It's been challenging recently - the thoughts and the writing time don't line up. Fantasy man, it's like a world without end.

Even a list of today's fantasies would go on and on like a mandelbrot set. I mean, from the basic - if I spoke Spanish that would be AWESOME - to the complicated - how to build a jawbone on a robot that would have a loose hinge so it would move naturally - to the terrifying - mostly involving situations with spiders.

Sometimes I am able to write things down, but most of the fantasies - they go on forever expanding, getting smarter and smarter until they dissolve in infinitely small subfantasies. There is no such thing as a line drawn through a tree-shape, and I can either calm my mind and let all the points just hang there, or I can zip aroung like a bug bonking on a window, but there are no lines, and there is no money or patience to make a practice out of the dreaming. Oh man, the things I have figured out and forgotten, they are like mexican jumping beans.

I wonder if there were huge spiders wherever Buddha lived?