Emotions (Booze?)

What I did -
Woke up
Read "Word Freak"
Took shower
Turned NPR off
Ate three english muffin halves (one I found in toaster) OJ, coffee with cardamom and milk
Read NY Times, esp. Science Times
Wrote blog - can't remember what - maybe just comments?
Drew pictures and made video
Checked Email and Blog
Worked on new blog for project
Went outside in the sun with Skillet for a jiff - sang "Oh Skilley Skilley You're a Wild Dog" by Yusef Islam
Read nonsense on-line
Ate a huge plate of leftover pasta and drank water
Started dishwasher
Tried to edit more video
Got frustrated about mysterious audio glitches in FinalCut
Read some of "Word Freak"
Watched video as is
Drank a rum and coke (and triple sec)
Watched video again
Checked Email and Blog
Wrote the content for title screen and started drawing the font
Sobered up
Went to my mother's "opening" - her student's art
Drove home early
Had a Whiskey something
Watched video a couple times
Checked Blog and Email
Made avocado sauce for chicken sando with my new fav. spice - McCormick's Chipolte Chile
Sobered up
Had a Martini
Had a Gin Tonic made with second half of Martini
Ate Chicken with parents, talked about school, terrorists in NJ, bees, plants (the usual)
Emptied dishwasher
Washed dished (Pops is a big mess) while counting to 211 in bad Chinese
Counted to 100 in bad Japanese
Went in to TV room, turned around
Watched video
Wrote down ideas about sculpture
Checked Blog and Email
Looked at crap on-line
Drew more font crap - got frustrated
Sobered up
Finished "Word Freak" - now I have no A-list reading material
Drew more font - stopped quickly
Checked Email, checked Blog
Watched video
Looked at Elliot Smith videos on YouTube for an hour
Broke some pencils with bad erasers and threw them into the trash can on the other side of the room
Wrote this
?

Is this an acceptable day? Was it productive?

A lot of the ideas I have about art come from music. But I'm kidding myself if I think that I can express my inner emotional state in the way that singer-songwriters like Elliot Smith can. Music can be a misleading allegory for art. Not that I always gravitate towards music like this. But I do think of the emotional honesty and realism as some sort of ideal (that there are different ideals is irrelevant when close to an ideal - they are like star's gravity). Waht am I talking about? This is just pop music, isn't it? Anyway, this method of communication can never be an ideal for my art - my art is becoming more and more cerebral, less expressive. It is changing me too. I've been flirting with the mechanical for a while. Is this a self-fullfilling prophesy? Maybe I am losing my soul - if I really thought I had one. But don't be misled - I can still dance. I can probably outdance 9 out of 10 Americans. But that's like saying I can outskinny Americans. What did Elliot Smith say? That killing your own feelings is the most popular way to fail? Or something. But I don't want to espress my feelings through my art. I don't know if I have feelings. At least not smudgy feelings - I think all thoughts are feelings. But to cease to differentiate between thoughts and feelings would be to lose a useful handle to understanding my own mind. But at this point my feelings are pretty homogenous and unmotivated. But that's dumb - how can I say I'm unmotivated? I get shit done. Look at my marvelous average day. But I'm not into it that much right now. But it is at least something to show. But it is all black and white. It's too serious. It's not smutty enough. I'm failing to be human. I guess that's a no-no for Bene Gesserit. But whatever - they thought that human meant only what isn't like an animal. Is the part of humanity that isn't like an animal like a computer? Is this a silly question or what?

I am getting blinky here.